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Crossroads

Hope You'd Understand


About this event: Blog Action Day 2008
Translations available in: English (original) | French | Spanish | Italian | German | Portuguese | Swedish | Russian | Dutch | Arabic

To love is something which we always want, but to be loved is always something that we need… There’s a single moment in time where you meet the person that you’ll love most, where you’ll be ready to undergo the process of love again; after which, if all else fails comes the process of mending a broken heart. The feeling of security being at the side of the person you love makes all the difference. The feeling of contentment and happiness comes about your way, but sometimes when all your thoughts would prove to be just mere thoughts all the while, nothing more nothing less, or in a simple manner, when your thoughts of that person already having something special for you would end up to be a discovery that it’s only his/her simple way of being friends, will surely make you depart from your fairytale dream.

It’s really hard to understand someone, it’s harder to love someone you don’t understand, but the hardest thing is trying to understand something and someone just for the sake of love, using your heart to think… Self-sacrifice may be a good thing, but sometimes we tend to forget that life must go on even if we didn’t have what we always wanted, even if we didn’t meet our expectations, and even if we’ve had faulty assumptions. We will never really know what happened, why things went on that way or why that person whom you think you knew well just rejected you as if nothing was treasured. It’s really hard to love, very painful to get hurt… we can’t do anything about it, no one can…

This is my story on how I loved, assumed, and got hurt. I never really knew what happened, not until now. All I could ever remember is waking up one day already having that special feeling intended for the person whom I already considered my best friend… Self-denial came about my mind. I could never accept the fact that I have fallen in love with my friend in such a manner that it wasn’t already expecting mere friendship in return, but love… It didn’t go well, I tried to hide it but I couldn’t. My actions already spoke louder than my words. I have loved that person, yes, it came; I was ready for anything that could happen, including loosing that person. I’ve just had that one major conviction in life that made things go my way, “it was never wrong to love and it wasn’t and never will be my fault to fall in love…” I may have loved that person too much that there were times when I’ve already forgotten myself, when I already had the intuition of giving everything just to make that person happy. I was happier though, having that person with me, but not until the day when things must already be placed in the right order… The moment of truth, the moment when I knew that everything we’ve been through will all just be put into nothingness… I have loved, I was hurt… but it wasn’t my fault…

People often times are just like that, sometimes they love secretly, which of course hurts more… Good thing, if you are also loved in return, worst is when you come to realize that you have been forcing yourself to hide something which you know you could never hide… Never assume, expect less, don’t give too much, and never deny the things that come your way; follow this and you’ll have a better outcome… Heartaches and pain is just a normal part of being loved and of loving, but dying a slow death is too much for it… Never lie to yourself because you’re fooling no one, love if you need to, as long as you can… Just smile at life’s punch lines which literally hurt, never laugh because you might be carried away… Love is not a problem, it’s a solution, the only problem that it could possibly bring is when to use it, where to use it, and to whom you will be using it… That’s love after all…

That was my story, partly over, but hasn’t yet begun… This is another chapter of my life left unfinished, blinded by all the heartaches and pain that was brought about… I never ever thought that it wasn’t meant to be, because after all, I’ve learned something and knew that person even more. It wasn’t worth it, that person doesn’t deserve my love, but still I love that person, nothing more nothing less… I’m just simply being me amidst what I feel for “you…” Hope you’d understand…

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