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Crossroads

Hearing Voices

Translations available in: English (original) | French | Spanish | Italian | German | Portuguese | Swedish | Russian | Dutch | Arabic

"I hear voices in my head, only those that I dream about. Maybe it's true that I'm in love with you or maybe I'm just hearing it too. I don't know how to get away with this, to stop dreaming wide awake. I hate the way this makes me feel, happy but sad for real. If only you could hear those voices too then I guess it would mean a dream come true..."



Walking... walking... walking...


Step... step... step...


It seems like counting the endless hours of my sleepless night wanting to just spend the while with you and make my dreams come true. Just today I have thought of something that literally made me smile, I thought of your voice telling me things like this and things like that. The way you speak and make those facial gestures just moves me. It makes me feel wonderful. You are every breathe I take, every word I speak, and every smile I seek. I know that this is already an addiction, so much more to that; an obsession. This is quite a hard logic to understand, why I still believe in magic though the trick doesn't work anymore or why I still believe in fairy tales even though I know that there is really no such thing as a happily ever after... You never fail to amuse me; to be honest, it is always you that makes a difference in my everyday life. I keep hearing voices in my head and I just do not know what to do.


"I saw you yesterday, played the games we've liked to play. I saw you today; it made my heart beating fast. I see you tomorrow, happy and left me alone in sorrow. I'm not scared, just a little worried... What would life be without you?"



Jump... jump... jump...


Hop... hop... hop...


This melodramatic moment tonight make me wonder how life has been for someone like me. I've been around life's mysteries and I never found anything as uncertain as love me. I don't know why I can still see amidst all these impossibilities of you loving me or us being together. I can't quite figure out what keeps this candle burning inside of me that gives me hope, that gives me a better perspective of "maybe". My what ifs are unending, my wishful thinking dominates all of what is meant by having me not part of the equation. I am but hopefool of the fact that someday I would get the same feeling too; though not more than what I give at least something for me to receive. Damn! I keep hearing voices in my head for I have always been missing you...


"If only what I feel for you would be what you'd feel for me too then I guess I'd find no reason anymore to wish for a dream come true. You are everything that I wanted, all the things I thought I'd knew but you are so full of surprises and I just can't read a single move you make. You are like my life's jigsaw puzzle, something that I can never solve unless you lend me a hand; or better yet, a heart cause you already took mine away..."



Run... run... run...


Fly... fly... fly...


I have made an indelible remark to myself that when I fall I crash and burn as well... You have proven it to me and you just keep on proving it every single day. I can not imagine what it is to finally find someone who would make a whole lot of awful difference. You are my life now. You have that most beautiful smile I've ever seen, it's so beautiful that it made me give up my heart happiness the very moment I saw it. I can't quite seem to throw this thought of mine, this thought of having you by my side from the moment I close my eyes until I open it again the next morning. If you ask me if it hurts it does, if you ask me if I'd still love you even if you ask me to stop I'd still do, if you ask me to go away then I would, but please don't ask me to cause there could never be me anymore without you... I keep hearing voices in my head over and over again. It whispers, it shouts, it talks about a lot of things. I keeps hearing voices in my head, your voice that changes all the while; I know it's you, never could be anyone else and wide awake I wish, I wish for that voice to finally say "I love you too."

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Night-less'

Translations available in: English (original) | French | Spanish | Italian | German | Portuguese | Swedish | Russian | Dutch | Arabic

It is when there is so much wonderland inside my mind that this night-less engagement takes place. There's a lot to think about, even more to ponder, and something to make the moment last until my wary eyes surrender to the darkness that envelopes this world. This is a matter of which occurrence I can not explain, neither can the ages tell me why all these is possible. It is when your heart starts pounding as if it wants to break free and see everything around her into full context; of what things are like and how they ever make a difference to another person. This is something which without any doubt or hesitation takes place without my consent. Unpredictable, a natural existence among mortals, among us humans that is beyond our realm of imagination... Love...


"I wonder how this feeling works. Does it last a lifetime? Will it hurt even more? When does it end? How is it possible? When did it start taking place? I have so many questions, so many doubts. I do not understand, I need an answer and the only answer I guess for all these would be having you feel the same way for me too. When that happens, I will know, I will learn, and I will understand how this feeling works."



Walking down the memory lane I have seen some of its mysteries. Some are revealing others are not. It really takes so much time before you would ever start wondering why things happen or how they happen, so much time to make you realize that you are already hurting, so much time to make you realize that you are already somewhere far beyond your greatest dreams, and so much time to make you realize that you are already madly deeply crazily in love with her; so much time to make you not own your heart anymore... This happened to me not once, not twice, but more than I have ever expected, I'm getting used to the feeling; the feeling of being hurt because of loving and fighting for that love all alone... Sometimes I wish for that day to come, the day when someone would eventually make me understand all these mysteries and bring me to places I knew not where. It gets me excited though, makes me thirst for more than just a cup of my favorite mocha frapuccino or more than just a chapter of my favorite Time Traveler's Wife novel. This is something more already, something I have always been expecting to happen... Being night-less, being in love...


"then heaven answers my cry when raindrops fall into my very eye..."



I can truly endure this night-less extravagance by just thinking of the way you glance. The moonlight makes me wanna dance, sway with the music of love's trance. Nothing I guess would change this night, this night of sleep without delight. My heart pounds, my chest can barely contain it; you're taking it away, you're hurting it. Make me happy, even more a fool; let love devour me, let it hurt; for tonight would be the last night, the last night I will endure. There's something in the way you look at me, though nothing has been said and done to see. I love you just the way you are; I don't know why, but I guess love is just so wonderful tonight that it makes me wanna hug you and hold you tight...

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Can't Move On

Translations available in: English (original) | French | Spanish | Italian | German | Portuguese | Swedish | Russian | Dutch | Arabic

She was staring at me, a blank look on her face that took my breathe away. There was nothing special that day, not until I saw her I guess, gazing through the emptiness that is in me. I have often wondered why I have always been deprived of that happiness, the happiness that completes a person, the happiness that turns a boy into a man, and that transforms all impossibilities into a dream that is coming true day by day. I don't even know if it's righteous enough for me to say that I am alone, with nothing but a sense of pride wavering around my senses. It was that afternoon when the cold December breeze kissed my cheeks and her glowering eyes captivated my emptiness. There is something in the way she looks at me; she made me feel special. From that moment I knew she was the one, but getting to know her would be quite a challenge. I plan not to let the moment pass by...

Each morning when I open my eyes, it's her face that comes across my nigh. I just can't help but think about her, about the different things we could be doing together, about the things we'd be laughing about, things that would make us happy, and things that's quite unusual would certainly make us want to spend time together more. I was a daydreamer back then, way back when my heart was stolen from me with just a smile. My feelings grew even stronger, even more intense; we became the best of friends, we were there for each other, and we just knew that we will never ever be apart. Deep inside I was hurting, I couldn't tell her, I just couldn't...

I guess I was afraid to admit the truth. I was so scared that I might lose someone who made sense to everything. The cozy afternoon becomes warm when she's around. My life started to find its meaning. I started to change. I started expecting. And I started to see the world, the greater world when her hands is entwined with mine. Each morning I wake up with no one but a picture of her looking at me, staring at me like I was a nice piece of art...

To make her happy, it was all I wanted... Her smile was all I needed to take the pain away even for just a single moment in time. I love her so much that everytime I think about her I can't help but cry. That when I start to think about her she is all that runs on my mind... I am paralyzed with just the thought of her, I can't think, and all I can do is to stop whatever I'm doing... As for this, I can't seem to move on with my writing...

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I Want U 2 Know

Translations available in: English (original) | French | Spanish | Italian | German | Portuguese | Swedish | Russian | Dutch | Arabic

Walking past the highway of life I can recall how many times I've fallen in and out of love. I can clearly remember the faces and the names of the people who made a big change in my everyday story. I can clearly remember their smile that takes my breath away, their presence that warms my cold days, and their company that just made the world a lot better for me. I do remember those chapters in my life where I meet someone whom I would allow to take away my heart from me... I laugh, I cry, I smile, I frown, I love, I hurt; all these aspects never cease to exist, and thinking about how things played out in the past for me just makes a whole lot of sense. I used to say that I could never move on without that person, but looking at myself now I can truly say that I'm far beyond who I am back then... Life is a continuous process, sometimes you get new characters to play a certain role in your story, you get new people to change you, and you get a new self, a new everything, a new beginning, but still most of the time you get the same old story, maybe a little complicated this time, but still the same old story...


Before I tell you what this is all about, let me first offer my apologies to "20" for "20" might read this post and realize things I try "not" to make "20" realize for the sake of our god damn friendship...



This message is quite simple and I want to start with the phrase:

I want you to know...


I want you to know that you inspire me, yes, until now.

* That you're still my strength in all that I do

* That you're still my inspiration

* That every minute, every second of everyday I still think about you.

* That you're still a part of my everyday routine.

* That you're still the song I'm singing.

* That you're smile still captivates my senses.

* And that your voice still gives me a reason to hear what my heart is saying...



I want you to know that you make me happy, yes, of course you do.

* That when I smile I smile because of you.

* That when I cry I still long for you.

* That when I hurt it's because of you.

* That when I sleep I dream of you.

* That when I dream I'm missing you.

* And that when each morning comes your face is still my morning dew...



I want you to know that you are special, yes, you will always be.

* That you are still irreplaceable.

* That I'd still do everything for you.

* That you'd still be my best friend.

* That I'd still never leave you.

* That I'd still be there when you need me.

* That I'd still wanna spend my everyday with you.

* That I'd still be the one you idolize.

* And that you'd still be the only perfect human being for me...



And finally...

I want you to know that I know these things too, yes, I know.

* That you love your present so much.

* That I'll forever just be your friend.

* That I do have false hopes.

* That I'll just be hurting more.

* That it'll just be me who'll feel this way.

* That you and I could never be.

* And that there's no sense in loving you because you could never love me too.



But still...

I want you to know that what I say is true, yes, it has always been true.

* That it's love I feel for you.

* That I love you even if you don't want me to.

* That you still inspire me everyday.
*

* That I can't deny the fact you're not here to stay.

* That I'm madly deeply in love with you.
* That it hurts so much now because of this feeling I have for you.

* That I'm damn missing every inch of you.

* That I'm wanting more of this friendship we have.

* And that if only I could make the one you love disappear I would, but taking away your happiness would just break my heart even more and to see you sad would make things even worst...




It just hurts so much to miss you badly. To think about what could never be. It just hurts so much to be away from you, to miss every morning not seeing you. It hurts so much to love you, but I still do because there's no one else that makes me happy like you do. I love you, I love you, I love is all that I can say and keeping you away just makes my life stray. I do think I've told you everything in here, unfortunately I can't show you what this means. I know where to place myself, I'm just a friend, a broken, stupid, damn, piece-of-shit-kind-of-friend. I hate to say this but it’s true that you as my happiness make everything blue...



Walking past the highway of life I can see myself, broken and shattered into pieces. I lost my heart, I lost my mind, I lost my meaning, I lost everything just for the sake of this love which I believe brings happiness to myself. This is another story in my life, another story that has been told over and over again... The same old story that makes me wonder, that makes me think, and that makes me happy...

If there is really hope between us, should I learn to let it go, don't you want me to know?

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I'm Possibly...

Translations available in: English (original) | French | Spanish | Italian | German | Portuguese | Swedish | Russian | Dutch | Arabic

Funny as it may seem, but the heart has always her way of making things possible. The laws of science could never apply to these matters and could never provide any basis for such occurrence. Much has been thought about and there's just so many more that is yet discovered. Lately, people have been misguided by this subtle truth that comes about every existence; the heart and the mind could never work as one, they could never agree. Logic and feelings has this distinct property that makes them repel each other just like the law of matter that states that no two objects could occupy the same space at the same time. Maybe if we try to explain love in the science of impossibilities then we would be able to come up with something that makes a whole lot of sense.

People don’t need religion or faith to even see the world in a grain of sand. They need not special gifts or ability to comprehend the system of their desires. We all are connected and we live with that connection, but only a few notices it, only a few knows it, and only a few could work as one with all the people around them. Unity is what the world needs; bound to co-exist with such power that man has created beyond its realm. The science of self-discovery is the hardest of all. It involve things which no man has ever understood, which no logic has ever explained, and which no heart could ever be sure of. Life has always been a game of knowing and understanding, it has always been a game of hide and seek; but, as the world grow and consciousness takes its part, all these facts about life are banished. Life now at this point is nothing but a matter of science and religion, a matter of knowing and understanding, a matter of the heart and of the mind, a matter which was never intended for to be defined by living, and a matter that makes oneness with the higher being, with the soul something that is to laugh about.

If we are to heal the scars of our universe and if we are really willing to live out our lives then we must defy these rules. We must learn to bring about that connection to our world again. We must use our hearts to feel the pain and suffering of not just ourselves, but of all those to which we are connected. We must learn to understand that there is no such thing as earth if there's no nature. It is but of a living paradise that lives within us all. We do not live on earth; earth lives on us... We are nature, we all are contributors to what is happening; we all are part of the system that has been running on false concepts ever since humanity began, and we are all a part of this great misery that is to come. If we learn not to depart from our senses; the desire to control our heart and become powerful with our mind then we will forever be mediocre in a sense that we are all fooled by what we merely perceive with our senses. Nature has its own way of letting us realize things; that nature lives in us, we all have our nature and that doesn't differ from each other. We are all human, bound to be free and to be uninformed of the beauty that only us, together, could ever I'mPossibly see. It makes a whole lot sense now, given that there is really no impossibility; it's all just I'm Possibly.


Man: I'm possibly into something which I know I would never understand.

Higher Being: You know something that you would possibly understand.

Man: Would there be more of this after life?

Higher Being: There are more after life than just this.

Man: You are crazy; you don't know what you're talking about.

Higher Being: I am you, you just haven't found me yet.

Man: And how am I suppose to find you?

Higher Being: Just remember that I live not on your mind, not on your heart, but on your soul where you are departed from these two things that give man its miseries. Don't look for me anywhere 'coz you will never find me. All you have to do is to know yourself first, understand your wants, own your life, master your soul, conquer your fate, and we will be one. I am you, you are me; all it takes is a matter of acceptance and understanding. Life is just life, don't complicate things; don't even bother look for its meaning; instead, give it its meaning. Tell the world about you, tell them about me, and all of you will see yourselves as one, united and bound to co-exist in this universe. We all are connected, you don't have to find me 'coz I live in you... You just have to understand; we are no different from each other, except that you have what it takes to be human. Your heart and your mind; depart from them and you will find your soul, you will see me as you without anything but love and understanding which your science could never explain and which your religion could never teach... If there is two matter occupying the same space at the same time, then that would be love; the matter of your heart and understanding, the matter of your soul...

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